My Father !!!!!
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3.He remarried a lady that growing up i mostly hated, things were always her way....do this do that. I relize now she was just trying to teach me the right things in life, sometimes went over board, I wasnt allowed to wear pants, (only sluts wore pants) same with red same with lipstick. I was always cooking and cleaning. so on and so on.... My dad !! what a peach... he got me some weekends then moved to Michigan, got me and my brother for summers....my brother wasnt afraid to tell him no, i was... when i was 11 my dad made me go hunting cause my brother said no, and i shot a deer, he then made me drink its blood....my dad is sooooooooo prejudice, i was not allowed to even watch a show that had a black person in it. when i was a teenager my mom made me go live with him because she had just again gotten divorced and couldnt watch me like she needed to ( i was not the best teen, although not the worst) she found a joint and sent me to live with him.... anyway, i got straight a's then cause i wasnt allowed to do anything but study....We lived in a town that was 90 % black (go figure) my dad spent alot of the time at the bar with my step monster....lol, everyone around me knew my dads light on the car and when we saw him turn the corner we all went to our houses. one night we were playing basketball and here came a car...not his, but it pulled up to the house, he was with a friend... He humiliated me so bad, grabbed me by the hair yelling no daughter of his was going to be talking with N****** (you know the word) picked me up by the throat and pinned me against the wall, i bit him and he dropped me and i ran to my room and locked the door, the next morning i stole money from my step monsters purse and got on the bus and went back home. went to my best friends house and after talking with her parents (that lived 3 housees away from my mom) they told me to go home. My mom sent me back. We then moved to Las Vegas and my dad said now that i got you out of the state you will never talk to your mom again. after months i finally got a job at taco bell and called her the 1st chance i got, her and her boyfriend came for me. My dad was so upset with me. When Joshs dad died we got in a huge fight cause he said he was nothing but an ass hole anyway. He tricked me into giving him my sons ss# and put things in his name and never paid, he lied to me and said he had cancer and made up this huge story of his kemo and all that, when my daughter was born he said that is not his grand daughter cause eric is 1/2 mexican. One of my brothers does not talk to him at all, the other sometimes.The stories are endless. A year and a half ago my dad moved....didnt tell anyone anything, noone knows where he went..I cried and cried..My brother got a birthday card from him (his b-day is in June) just signed dad, no return address nothing, he took it to the post office and they said it could have come from anywhere in 4 states.... I have looked and looked and looked.....WHY? why do i continue to do this. My friend told me today he doesnt want anyone to know where he is so let it go....I can't, would you be able to? I guess i just think of him as a lonely old man and i dont want him to die alone. I guess my question is would you continue to search even when you know that if you find him it will be nothing but toxic again? I am so confused!!!! HELP

Well the circus wasn't so bad...
We took Savannah to the Circus yesterday, it was ok, kinda boring actually...The best part was this dome type thing and they had 4 dirt bike in the all going in different directions, it was kinda scary actually. During intermission they had elephant rides and pony rides and you could take pics with Sponge Bob and Patrick, I think that was her favorite, she loves Spongebob. We went to the olive garden afterwards and then did some shopping at Mervyns, I love Mervyns, wish it was closer, El Paso is only about 30 minutes away I make it seem like it's hours away cause we NEVER go out there unless its something like this (the circus) or some kind of event. Here are some pics...

The circus is coming to circus is coming !!!!
Eric mentioned we should take Savannah to the circus, the last time i went to the circus was 10 years ago, it was this little no name circus that came to town in Cali. I cried...the animals were so skinny and looked so aweful I told myself I would never go again....Do you think this was because it was not a big name circus or do you think that all of them are the same. I feel so bad for the animals...I am confused now, should I go or should we just find something else to do...Savannah would have fun theres no doubt about that...i just don't know what to do...
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

I had such a wonderful weekend !!!
My sister and nices got here Friday night, with a surprise for me and my nephew, she brought her sister-in-law ( which is one of my best friends from Cali ) and she brought 2 of her kids... Friday night we just visited and then i took the kids bowling.....Here are some pics.






Saturday we woke up and I went home to shower and get changed and then I met my friend Amanda and her cousin Stacy(who is down from Clovis) at the mall, i think we were there for like 3 hours...I had fun.
Then I went back to my moms to get ready for my nephew Daniels' 21st birthday...
I had every intention on getting druink that night but after a few drinks me and my friends Lisa went back inside watched a movie and just talked and talked....I miss her so much...
Here are some pics..







Yesterday we went to Chuck E Cheese so my sister could see her grand daughter (Daniels baby from some witchy pooh) but I wont even get into that, and the kids played...Then we walked around the Mall (Chuck E Cheese is at the mall here) then we went home, and I took the kids out to see Norbit a movie out with Eddie Murphy, its funny the kids liked it, then we went back to my moms and the kids played and we visited for awhile. They left this morning and I am spending the day cleaning my house and playing with Savannah...
I hope you all had a wnderful weekend....
Here are some more pics

Well after the LONG week, I am ready for the weekend...My sister and 2 nieces are coming in tonight from Cali, and tomorrow is my nephews 21 st Birthday party. So we will be doing that tomorrow night..Tonight I am just going to relax and visit with my sis..Tomorrow I have a lunch date and movie date with a couple friends, one is here for the weekedn from Clovis, NM. Eric and I were supposed to get away for the weekend but my mom has been sick all week and Eric is getting sick. So we decided to do it mext weekend. We are going to stay in a cabin up in Ruidoso, its beautiful there, I cant wait, we need the alone time together we have both been so busy with doing our own things we havent seen much of each other lately.
Hope you all enjoy your week and your Valentines day....Have a great weekend !!!

I can't wait for the time to change.....
I have been walking 2 miles when I get home from work... Today I decided to walk a little bit farther, which was no big deal EXCEPT I have this weird thing about walking under over passes...whe I walked through the 1 st time it was still light...walking back though (which i didn't even think of) it was getting pretty dark... I chose to walk that direction because there are more people walking the track that way....Just might have to change directions cause for some dumb reason it really freaks me out to walk under them, i think there are bums up on top or something and they are gonna jump out at me....I know what a frady cat...lol
Hope your week is going good. Enjoy the rest of it.

Well today we are spending the day cleaning and rearranging furniture to get ready for tomorrows big game....We have quite a small living room so im not sure what eric was thinking inviting alot of people..And I have decided to buy a new couch next weekend cause if someone spills on my new couch....i wouldnt be a happy camper.
I am cooking everything tomorrow by myself.....(good luck to me) lol my menu will consist of :
Brisket
Baby back ribs, ( i got the recipe off Emeril) cant wait to try those..
potato salad
Lil' smokies in this sauce that is sooooooo good.
chocolate covered strawberries
Hot dogs and Brats
and then nachos
There goes the diet for the day.......lol
I have been doing ok on my diet I have been eating about 1200 calories a day I have lost 6 pounds, but you know what is coming and I do real bad that time of the month....I crave chocolate so bad....My friend Amanda has lost 13 pounds so she is doing much better then me, my excuse is she doesnt have kids, my kids still want junk food. IT'S SO HARD!!! I have NO willpower....
Well have a great day. And if your going to a party tommorow be safe and have a BLAST!!!