My Father !!!!!
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3.He remarried a lady that growing up i mostly hated, things were always her way....do this do that. I relize now she was just trying to teach me the right things in life, sometimes went over board, I wasnt allowed to wear pants, (only sluts wore pants) same with red same with lipstick. I was always cooking and cleaning. so on and so on.... My dad !! what a peach... he got me some weekends then moved to Michigan, got me and my brother for summers....my brother wasnt afraid to tell him no, i was... when i was 11 my dad made me go hunting cause my brother said no, and i shot a deer, he then made me drink its blood....my dad is sooooooooo prejudice, i was not allowed to even watch a show that had a black person in it. when i was a teenager my mom made me go live with him because she had just again gotten divorced and couldnt watch me like she needed to ( i was not the best teen, although not the worst) she found a joint and sent me to live with him.... anyway, i got straight a's then cause i wasnt allowed to do anything but study....We lived in a town that was 90 % black (go figure) my dad spent alot of the time at the bar with my step monster....lol, everyone around me knew my dads light on the car and when we saw him turn the corner we all went to our houses. one night we were playing basketball and here came a car...not his, but it pulled up to the house, he was with a friend... He humiliated me so bad, grabbed me by the hair yelling no daughter of his was going to be talking with N****** (you know the word) picked me up by the throat and pinned me against the wall, i bit him and he dropped me and i ran to my room and locked the door, the next morning i stole money from my step monsters purse and got on the bus and went back home. went to my best friends house and after talking with her parents (that lived 3 housees away from my mom) they told me to go home. My mom sent me back. We then moved to Las Vegas and my dad said now that i got you out of the state you will never talk to your mom again. after months i finally got a job at taco bell and called her the 1st chance i got, her and her boyfriend came for me. My dad was so upset with me. When Joshs dad died we got in a huge fight cause he said he was nothing but an ass hole anyway. He tricked me into giving him my sons ss# and put things in his name and never paid, he lied to me and said he had cancer and made up this huge story of his kemo and all that, when my daughter was born he said that is not his grand daughter cause eric is 1/2 mexican. One of my brothers does not talk to him at all, the other sometimes.The stories are endless. A year and a half ago my dad moved....didnt tell anyone anything, noone knows where he went..I cried and cried..My brother got a birthday card from him (his b-day is in June) just signed dad, no return address nothing, he took it to the post office and they said it could have come from anywhere in 4 states.... I have looked and looked and looked.....WHY? why do i continue to do this. My friend told me today he doesnt want anyone to know where he is so let it go....I can't, would you be able to? I guess i just think of him as a lonely old man and i dont want him to die alone. I guess my question is would you continue to search even when you know that if you find him it will be nothing but toxic again? I am so confused!!!! HELP
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3.He remarried a lady that growing up i mostly hated, things were always her way....do this do that. I relize now she was just trying to teach me the right things in life, sometimes went over board, I wasnt allowed to wear pants, (only sluts wore pants) same with red same with lipstick. I was always cooking and cleaning. so on and so on.... My dad !! what a peach... he got me some weekends then moved to Michigan, got me and my brother for summers....my brother wasnt afraid to tell him no, i was... when i was 11 my dad made me go hunting cause my brother said no, and i shot a deer, he then made me drink its blood....my dad is sooooooooo prejudice, i was not allowed to even watch a show that had a black person in it. when i was a teenager my mom made me go live with him because she had just again gotten divorced and couldnt watch me like she needed to ( i was not the best teen, although not the worst) she found a joint and sent me to live with him.... anyway, i got straight a's then cause i wasnt allowed to do anything but study....We lived in a town that was 90 % black (go figure) my dad spent alot of the time at the bar with my step monster....lol, everyone around me knew my dads light on the car and when we saw him turn the corner we all went to our houses. one night we were playing basketball and here came a car...not his, but it pulled up to the house, he was with a friend... He humiliated me so bad, grabbed me by the hair yelling no daughter of his was going to be talking with N****** (you know the word) picked me up by the throat and pinned me against the wall, i bit him and he dropped me and i ran to my room and locked the door, the next morning i stole money from my step monsters purse and got on the bus and went back home. went to my best friends house and after talking with her parents (that lived 3 housees away from my mom) they told me to go home. My mom sent me back. We then moved to Las Vegas and my dad said now that i got you out of the state you will never talk to your mom again. after months i finally got a job at taco bell and called her the 1st chance i got, her and her boyfriend came for me. My dad was so upset with me. When Joshs dad died we got in a huge fight cause he said he was nothing but an ass hole anyway. He tricked me into giving him my sons ss# and put things in his name and never paid, he lied to me and said he had cancer and made up this huge story of his kemo and all that, when my daughter was born he said that is not his grand daughter cause eric is 1/2 mexican. One of my brothers does not talk to him at all, the other sometimes.The stories are endless. A year and a half ago my dad moved....didnt tell anyone anything, noone knows where he went..I cried and cried..My brother got a birthday card from him (his b-day is in June) just signed dad, no return address nothing, he took it to the post office and they said it could have come from anywhere in 4 states.... I have looked and looked and looked.....WHY? why do i continue to do this. My friend told me today he doesnt want anyone to know where he is so let it go....I can't, would you be able to? I guess i just think of him as a lonely old man and i dont want him to die alone. I guess my question is would you continue to search even when you know that if you find him it will be nothing but toxic again? I am so confused!!!! HELP
posted by Debby at
7:44 PM
4 Comments:
i thinks sometimes its like your dad may be a jerk but he is still your dad. Still, it sounds like it is an unhealthy relationship for you! People have ways of not being found if they dont want to. It may be better for all if you try to just let it go.
Hey Debby,
My story is different than yours because my father chose drugs and alcohol over his family. I hadn't seen from him or heard from until I was 18 and then he came into my life briefly only to leave again. A few years ago I decided I couldn't live with the hatred and anger anymore so I wrote him a good bye letter. In the letter I let him know about my life up to that point and told him about his grandson (which he has never met) and basically said that the ball is in your court, if you want to contact me you know where to find me. I am not even sure the address that I sent it to was correct but writing that letter help a lot. Life is to short to harbor any ill feelings but also life is too short to wait around for somebody. Pray for him and hope that he comes around. Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad.
debbie, what a tough story to share. my advice would be to stop looking for him and let him go. you should feel no responsibility for your dad (he is a grown man) and have no guilt for anything that happened in the past or will happen. a relationship takes 2 people. if he wanted to be 'found', he would have left some sort of trail for you guys. but he didn't , so there is not much you can do for him. what you can do is be the kind of parent you wish he was to you. so, channel your energy to your relationship with your kids and all will work out. i promise!!!! i'll be thinking of you. diana
Debby, thank you for sharing your past with us and it is amazing that after all these years, you still care.
But whatever it is, you have to move on now with your family and not like this past haunt you. If he truly appreciate you, I believe he would come for you.
My thoughts are with you Debby.
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