OK, here is the thought that has been taking over my brain for a few days now....
Josh's girlfriend has been hanging around our house now for at least 3 months, in the beginning it is normal for someone to be shy even intimidated by their girlfriend/boyfriends parents. I am also (so I have been told) an intimidating looking or mean looking person. And alot of my friends have even told me I thought you were mean or stuck up and I am not, but I guess the look on my face makes me to appear this way. Anyway, when she is at our house and we are going out to dinner or to the movies or where ever it is we are going we take her with us, like last night she was at the house and we were going to Applebee's for dinner. Josh even said thanks mom after we were done eating, she has NEVER once said Thank you...
I bought her a concert ticket so she could go with Eric and Josh to an upcoming concert...nothing. For Christmas i bought her a little something, and nothing. For her birthday I bought her a cake and some earrings, and nothing...
Should I expect others to be as I would want my kids to be?
A little about her background, her mom is a single mom, works 2 jobs to give her the things she wants and to keep a roof over her head, she is hardly ever home. To me she buys her things out of guilt for never being there, instead of spending quality time with her she takes her shopping. Her mom now has a boyfriend so that takes the little bit of time they did have together away. Her mom will even call me and ask if she can come over cause she is going out and doesnt want her to be by herself. Her mom has never even said thank you to me, even for something like that. So I think maybe she never instilled in her the manners she should have towards others. But then on the other hand I think she is 16, its just common curtousy that she should know by mow.
Would you say something, am I over thinking this? Should I say something to Josh, so he can tell her, should I not bring him into this and make him feel like he is the middle man. What would you do?
Josh's girlfriend has been hanging around our house now for at least 3 months, in the beginning it is normal for someone to be shy even intimidated by their girlfriend/boyfriends parents. I am also (so I have been told) an intimidating looking or mean looking person. And alot of my friends have even told me I thought you were mean or stuck up and I am not, but I guess the look on my face makes me to appear this way. Anyway, when she is at our house and we are going out to dinner or to the movies or where ever it is we are going we take her with us, like last night she was at the house and we were going to Applebee's for dinner. Josh even said thanks mom after we were done eating, she has NEVER once said Thank you...
I bought her a concert ticket so she could go with Eric and Josh to an upcoming concert...nothing. For Christmas i bought her a little something, and nothing. For her birthday I bought her a cake and some earrings, and nothing...
Should I expect others to be as I would want my kids to be?
A little about her background, her mom is a single mom, works 2 jobs to give her the things she wants and to keep a roof over her head, she is hardly ever home. To me she buys her things out of guilt for never being there, instead of spending quality time with her she takes her shopping. Her mom now has a boyfriend so that takes the little bit of time they did have together away. Her mom will even call me and ask if she can come over cause she is going out and doesnt want her to be by herself. Her mom has never even said thank you to me, even for something like that. So I think maybe she never instilled in her the manners she should have towards others. But then on the other hand I think she is 16, its just common curtousy that she should know by mow.
Would you say something, am I over thinking this? Should I say something to Josh, so he can tell her, should I not bring him into this and make him feel like he is the middle man. What would you do?
posted by Debby at
8:08 AM
5 Comments:
interesting dilemma. hmmm, based on what you wrote, i guess my thinking is that i would let it go and not initiate saying anything. you are the big adult who should lead by good example. it sounds like this girl who is still a teenager has never been taught any proper manners. it may cause resentment (let alone awkwardness) if you say something to either josh or her directly. i guess i wouldn't do (buy) any more stuff for her unless it's requested by josh or her and then let 'em know that you'd be happy to do it and hint that a little show of appreciation (i.e. saying thank you) would be nice. she shouldn't take your generosity for granted.
Hiya Debby,
I am Chinese so a part of me is very traditional so coming from my perspective, I think alot of family values were lost along the way when children come from single parent household.
If I am in your position, I would have a chat with your son and expressed your feeling as you also want to be appreciated. Having said that, this would also inculcate good manner in front of his sister. It works for us at home as we show respect to the elderly (like my children's grandparents) they will learn to respect too.
If you don't express your feelings, very soon she is going to take it for granted and even think that it is her entitlement and rights in your house.
I hope this helps, do keep us posted :D
Another way Debby, when you give her a gift or something, approach her directly and ask "Oh, do you like the gift I bought you?" and see if she respond by saying thank you to you.
Hugs Debby!
i think you might want to mention to josh how you feel and see what he says. she could just be shy and tell josh to say thank you for her. and you know how men are! but it might be nice to mention how great the earrings look on her or bring up a story about that one time we ate at applebees and see if it might encourage a response from her.
we have that problem with britt sometimes she just thinks that we should know that she is thankful,and kendell is just very shy so it does get hard.Sometimes Donna will say something but not ofen.pick your battles carefuly
THAT IS A HARD THING A LITTLE HINT OF APPRICIATION MIGHT WORK MAYBE SAY DID YOU LIKE THOSE EARINGS YOU NEVER SAID IF YOU DID OR NOT. OR JUST LEAVE IT ALONE AND WHEN JOSH THANKS YOU SAY TO HIM INFORNT OF HER THANKS JOSH FOR BEING SO THOUGHTFUL OR THANKS I WORKED HARD ON THAT AND AM GLAD YOU APPRICRIATE IT BUT I WOULD NOT PUT HIM IN THE MIDDLE ESPECIALLY IF HE REALLY LIKES HER. YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS OPEN WITH THE 2 OF YOU
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